I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
