I will die if light touches me.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
