Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
