I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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