she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Farmville is her only friend.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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