I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
