I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
