I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I want to be your penis for a week.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
