I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
