Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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