so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
