Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
