I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
