i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Randomize
