Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
