Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
