Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
