i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
