chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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