Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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