Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
