it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
