I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
