Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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