saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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