This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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