I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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