She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
