Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
