how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
His nipple licking is glorious
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