I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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