I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
