You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
