I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
