When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
