dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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