Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
