Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
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