And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
