It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
