im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
