Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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