the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
