I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I wear drunk well.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
