i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
