That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
