ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
