So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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