I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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