I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
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